Stressed, but blessed

It's been a while, but I think it's a good time for me to reflect on where I've been and whats going on in my life these days...

1. The End Goal
I had an amazing trip back to Moscow in October, complete with Octoberfest, friend time, boyfriend time, and a college friend reunion. I had some good meetings, too, and worked while I was gone, but in general I felt disconnected with the academic world. In a networking-dependent career, feeling like you don't belong at your own University is not a good feeling. I wonder if I will ever get back into the fast-paced academia lifestyle... or if I even want to. Sometimes I feel like my Ph.D. experience is training me to live more "tranquilo", more "pura vida", and much less training me to become a competitive Dr. Galbraith. I have learned how to navigate so many logistical challenges... but is that the training I came here for? It's not that I don't appreciate all of the life lessons, language training, and challenging experiences... I just want to make sure I get to that end goal, too.

Hiking near Mt. Ranier with one of my bffs from Olaf, plus the bfs

2. Belonging
I have been trying to develop a sense of belonging since I got here. It is a lot more challenging in a place where you can't express yourself fully due to a language barrier. At first, I was meeting students, then 20-something travelers and volunteers, and now I've been spending mostly time with young professionals. Not only does the diverse crowd offer a few English speakers (sometimes you just need a break from learning a new language,) but I really feel inspired by how they have developed their lives. Also, we have hobbies in common! I can't say I really feel like part of the community yet, but at least I am starting to understand a little better where I might fit in.

Nothing brings people together like cute babies

3. Grey areas in pulling the "cultural" card
Lately, I've been increasingly irritated with the way I am sometimes treated here. Is it culture? Small-town life? Am I responding incorrectly? Should I change my cellphone number so that people can't get it from my friends? Should I flip off the kind-looking old man who I thought was my friend until he shouted "MUY GUAPA!!" and said something crude about my dress? I think what bothers me most is my lack of clever responses. At home, I knew exactly when it was inappropriate to tell someone to back off. Here, I'm never as certain. I come from a strong belief that I should be able to wear what I want and talk to males without expecting disrespectful results. Here, I find myself scared to even make eye contact in some circumstances. I sometimes change my clothes before I leave the house because I am afraid that someone will find my clothing too alluring. Like I am guilty, and if I act the wrong way, it is my fault that they objectify me.

I don't want to act like I am the expert on any cultural group, or make generalizations outside of those who have treated me like that. I love this place, and in many ways I trust the community here more than anywhere I have lived before. My friend posted a really nice piece on Facebook (disclaimer: I probably understand only 80% of this): http://mujeressilvestres.wordpress.com/2013/10/07/viendo-a-una-mujer-una-conversacion-entre-padre-e-hijo/. I think a lot of people are mindful of this problem, and are willing to talk about it, which is nice.

4. Sharing!
Of course, the main reason I'm here, my project is always one of the main things on my mind. This week I got to present for the Hojancha Beekeeping Association, plus I'm preparing a few posters for an Agro-forestry festival coming up in December. Nothing is more exciting (and nerve-inducing!) than getting to put your work out there and see how people respond. I'm anxious to get back out in the field, but in the meantime, I hope to get some of the people where I live interested in what I'm doing, and give some people good info about BEES!

Field trip with the Hojancha Beekeeping Association