My experience in Moscow so far has been pretty rosy. I have gone from new, friendless, and overwhelmed to happily living in a big house with a bunch of friends and tons of adventures in a matter of weeks. Finally, reality has hit.
My life finally gave me some lemons. I have been in denial about a relationship I'm in and we hit the "should we keep going or stop now?" phase. I think a lot of people go through this, but I don't know if it feels like this. So I have NO idea what to do. I really wish I could just go back to where a I was in October... new and fresh and independent and not really knowing what to expect. But, unfortunately, this combination of events has led me to feel something I have not felt until now: I'm starting to think...I don't want to be here. As in temporarily, maybe for the next month or so... I don't want to deal with all of this.
I guess the good thing is, if things do change... and maybe things get a little harder.... it is only a change to something that was still relatively new anyway (compared to leaving St. Olaf, leaving the mid-West... this should be easy, right?)
Pain, heartache, change, and uncertainty. These are things I've managed to bypass/ignore/overcome in the past. Any tips? Favorite empowering song? Best stress-busting workout? Inspiring story of a good thing that was doubted but not lost in the long run?
Ohh yeah one last thing:
This blog is magical, and I'm going to just say.... man oh man will I be happy if this struggle opens the door to a truer happiness.
See, magic blog! I post yesterday that I miss hearing from you, and today you fill us all in! Sorry to hear things are getting hard for you, but I'm sure you'll somehow have things work out for the best :)
ReplyDeleteI can't remember a time when the opening notes of this song haven't made me gasp in delight. Or a time when rocking out to it didn't make things seem a little less permanently unpleasant and intimidating. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JhpZfltbnAQ
ReplyDeleteYour questions open up a topic I love to preach about for years on end. Nobody likes preaching, though, so be comforted by the fact that I COULD preach about good things doubted but not lost, and truer happinesses emerging phoenix-like from really dusty fireplace ashes leftover from Christmas Day.
Long story slightly shortened, I believe in magic blogs. I also believe that ending with a statement like that shoots you with a double dose of fairy dust. No need to pretend like things are great before they are... but I think believing things will be great when the time comes will make the time come sooner.